We all have them. What happens when you finally wake up and realize you’ve been carrying around too many of them for almost a decade? That your regrets have been keeping you down and enslaving you?
2015 has been a big year for me. In my post Pursuing passion, I touched a bit on the tremendous changes that have transpired for me. The birth of my daughter and turning 30 has woken up parts of myself I’ve been hiding and stifling. I have come to the profound realization that I carry a lot of regrets that I have not faced and healed and those regrets have been keeping me in a state of stagnation. My regrets are rooted in codependent behavior and a lack of self love and worth. I frequently placed others on a pedestal above me and placed their wants and needs above mine. I quieted my voice and in doing so I feel as though I’ve missed out.
I started this blog in part as a way to reconnect with myself and to heal. I want to be unabashedly honest with this blog because I feel honesty with yourself and others will bring about clarity and strength.
So how do you heal deep regret? Before becoming aware that I’ve been harboring regret, I tried to subconsciously facilitate “do-overs”. I also found myself constantly stuck in the past. Now that I’m aware, I realize that I’ve missed out on the present which I regret thus the whole damn cycle starts over again.
My therapist has suggested that I need to get out of my head (which is hard for me because I am a thinker) and feel my regrets and the emotions that come with that. I need to sit with these feelings and not think about them but feel them in my body. I need to quit trying to fix or plan or mediate and just feel and be. Holy shit that is easier said than done especially for someone like me – the type A, intellectual who “thinks” through life.
My therapist recommended I read Brené Brown’s new book Rising Strong as I embark on this journey towards healing and transformation.
The physics of vulnerability is simple: If we are brave enough often enough, we will fall. The author of the #1 New York Times bestsellers Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection tells us what it takes to get back up, and how owning our stories of disappointment, failure, and heartbreak gives us the power to write a daring new ending. Struggle, Brené Brown writes, can be our greatest call to courage, and rising strong our clearest path to deeper meaning, wisdom, and hope. – Goodreads.com
I can’t think of a more perfect read. For those of you unfamiliar with Brené Brown, I highly recommend watching her Ted Talk The Power of Vulnerability.
So there it is. There’s one of my big wounds. Awareness is the first step towards healing. Now I’m taking action.